Strength, power & ferocity lives within. .

“Consider things from every angle”.

The king of the jungle has been known to be the lion. When I was younger, I always admired the lion, partially because ‘The Lion King’ is my ultimate favorite Disney movie (fun fact), but also because of the nature of the animal itself. When we take a glance at this animal, we don’t see a mere powerless cat. We see a symbol of strength, power and ferocity. A lion with its powerful strides and beautiful mane also carries itself to symbolize royalty and stateliness. These animals are natural leaders in everything they do, as they take ownership of their prides, they live to serve and protect those they love.

For this post, I decided to use the lion as my main point of reference for various reasons. The quote for this blog is “consider things from every angle”. Alike humans, lions have to consider things from every angle on a day to day basis for survival of the fittest. If you truly think about it, they constantly think about how they will stay on top and dominate the pride, hunt their foods, choose their lionesses, and how they will train their cubs to become just as powerful.

It’s very interesting to know that different animals around the world are very similar to humans, and although we may not realize that, it’s been a proven fact. You're probably wondering why am I trying to compare a lion and humans, but just hang tight. When I take a look at myself, I see many different things. I strive to picture who I was, who I am, and who I will become.

In some of my previous blogs, I have briefly mentioned my choice of career: a police officer. Now this blog can either go very well, or it can be something very controversial. Now, I am well aware that many have different perspectives when it comes to policing, or even the current trending topics such as #BlueLivesMatter versus #BlackLivesMatter versus #AllLivesMatter. I told you all, I plan on being as raw as possible with my posts, and they won’t stop here. Every time I briefly mentioned this topic on my previous blog posts, I get anxious to see the sorts of responses I will get from you, the person on the other side of the screen. To some who have known me for years, this may be nothing new to you, but to those who don’t know me at all, I plan to let you know me. I know I also haven’t touched much on my childhood YET, but I promise you its coming. My order of things to talk about all has a purpose.

When I was a little girl, my father was in and out jail all of the time, he was addicted to many different drugs, was a gang member when he was younger, and learned most of what he knew off of the streets. He was born and raised in NYC, with six siblings and a mother and father who abandoned them all. He learned to fend for himself and his siblings by learning the ways of the streets at a very young age. At the time, he was the oldest out of all of them, making him the one everyone looked up to. His siblings were placed in foster care, some grew up with good families while others stayed on the streets with him. Once he learned the streets, he wanted to stay and run the streets. So, based of that brief history, my father is considered a ‘Career Criminal’. From NYC, to L.A, to Miami, FL, to Rochester, NY, we fast forward to a few years later when I come in the picture. By the age of six, like I mentioned previously, I was heavy into watching COPS, Miami Vice, CSI, and the list continues. I remember grabbing my toy handcuffs every time the show came on to sing ‘bad boy, bad boy, what you gonna do when I come for you’. I always use to sing it with my dad as we jumped around excited to see the episodes. From then, I always said, ‘Dad I want to catch bad boys too’.

Now, present time, I look at these men and women who wear blue, and can do nothing more than wait for the day that I can stand beside them in that same uniform. Yes, I grew up in a neighborhood where drugs were heavily present, and murders happened often. Yet because of my minimal involvement with those things, I was able to not only respect the code of street, but also respect those who hustle and work hard to earn that money through any means necessary. I respect them because society has implemented many restrictions that unfortunately place many of our minorities in these tough situations today. As I grew older, attended college, and studied Criminal Justice, I become more aware of how minorities have been targeted for centuries, and continue to be a target for the systems. Now historically this is a fact that can’t be argued by anyone. Yet, the mistrust in the system has come from the misuse of police powers: including police brutality, minority targeting, illegal search and seizures, targeted arrests during foot patrol and the list continues. I once told my professor in college that it is very hard to be a minority who wants to be a police officer. Its very hard to explain to my peer, that regardless of the daily issues that arise from the misuse of police power, not every officer is the same. It is incredibly difficult to even try to explain the fact that I am a Latina, who wants to work for a ‘corrupt system’ to serve and protect. My senior year at Oswego, there was a panel for #BlueLivesMatter in which I gave an opening speech for.

At first, I was hesitant, simply because I knew that I was going to face some harsh criticism and judgment from my peers. My professors had referred me to the director of this program due to previous classroom debates that I had been a part of as me simply trying to express my love for the job and my love for being myself: a minority. Too many, a police officer dying on the line of duty didn’t matter, simply because of all the minority lives that been lost within the hands of a police officer. To make this clear, when I see a story-line of another minority shot and killed by an officer, yes it breaks my heart because nobody deserves that. It also breaks my heart when I see the same headlines just reversed. At the end of day, no life should be taken in such forms, regardless of race or occupation. These people still have families that they leave behind hurting and seeking justice.

As someone who wants to become a police officer, again, it is difficult to admit that I will be working under a system that carries justice in various interesting ways. Yet, I can’t let that deter me from wanting to fulfill my dreams. Neither can I let your opinions nor judgments become something that also deters me from pursing my dreams. When I think about my future job career, I consider things from every angle. I think of myself as a lioness waiting for her next prey. There are many obstacles to get to where I want to be. I have to remind myself that I am a Latina. I have to remind myself that I am a woman. I have to remind myself that I am trying to work for a system that is mainly male dominated. I have to remind myself that I am going to be tested mentally, emotionally, and physically in order to fulfill my dreams. I am well aware of these things not only because I consider things from every angle possible when it comes to this job, but also because I have remained true to myself and I strive to stay woke. I uphold my values and moral beliefs through it all, and realistically this will always be a challenge.

My career choice doesn’t only affect me; it affects my family because they will always carry me in their thoughts and prayers every time I have to step out the door wearing that uniform. It will affect my future boyfriend/husband, who would have to put up with the crazy work hours, random shifts, missing holidays/important events, crazy talk about stress and other emotions: all to support me. It affects my future children, because they will have a mom who is not only super overprotective with their whereabouts all the time, but also because they will eventually deal with the same things as my future husband. I often fear these thoughts, the thoughts of being able to find someone who will be willing to deal with being someone the police force, and how it will affect our lives in many ways. But like the lion, I have considered and carefully thought out everything.

My family has been my strongest support system, my daily motivations as they push me when I feel like I can no longer continue on. They take away my doubts when I feel like I won’t make it. To my future boyfriend/husband who has to deal with me being a police officer, I know that my job will be hard, but anything is possible in life. Family events, vacations, traveling the world, loving one another unconditionally, supporting each other’s careers, and ambitions will all be attainable. Having children and raising them right, being a mother in general, is also attainable. I have learned that everything is within the power of the mind, and the hearts desires.

Towards the beginning of the year, I doubted myself for a while. Then I met someone, and I randomly explained my dream, my goals, shoot all my ambitions when it came to police work. This conversation has been cut short, but it is one of the conversations that I hold dearest to my heart for many reasons.

Me: I have an interesting story I can tell one day. I hope to one day make a difference one day on the same streets that I grew up on. My ultimate goal is to achieve that through police work.

A: I think that’s amazing. A lot of people want to reap the benefits which are what draws them into it, but you want to use it to make the world a better place and I think that’s beautiful. *Shares personal story regarding police*.

Me: I am sorry you had to go through that. That’s why people from the streets have such bad perceptions on cobs and their jobs, as to how they carry themselves. They don’t understand the life of a police officer either and the pressures they also have to deal with in order to do the job right. Its complicate don both sides which is why I want to be someone who brings change and not create bad stigmas. Yet every time I say ‘change’ people always shoot my dream down and tell me how it won’t happen or how I will become corrupt right along with everyone else that works under the system. I’ve dealt with a lot of criticism, especially because my father is an ex-convict.

A: Yeah honestly it sucks because it creates a paranoia that’s just so unnecessary. Now every time I pass certain cops I feel type e scared because all my life I have been stopped and frisked, even when I was in middle school. But I do understand the pressures put on them and it’s really not fair. Cops shouldn’t have to be pressured to make arrests or meet certain quotas. Its counterproductive. The system is already corrupt and minorities continue to dwell in a continuous cycle. But change starts with someone like yourself. Waiting to be a hero and help change lives is exactly what’s going to make you great and make others around you great, so never let anyone deter you from making that change. I believe in you. Also, cops have to make split second decisions and their fears get in the way and everyone always sees things through one side right away instead of doing research.

Me: Awe, you’re so motivational to me. You made my day, thank you for that. Its good to talk to someone who actually understands me and what I want to do because not everyone is supportive of me.

A: well it makes my day to know that I motivate you. You’re real supportive of what I do so how could I not support you. I know you have great intentions and aspirations which makes supporting you easy.

Realistically speaking, I am aware of the pressures of society that can possibly affect my mindset as a future officer. I am also aware that the camaraderie in the police force is something that is valued amongst fellow officers, as they consider themselves bonded through their career choices. I know that I will face judgment, and that I may be faced with having to prove myself on a day to day basis. Yet I always keep in mind why I want to become an officer. Unlike many, I can careless about the benefits; I truly care about being able to impact everyone and anyone. I want to create bonds with families, and children. I want to be able to patrol the streets and actually serve the community. I want to be able to help other understand that there are officers who do everything out of love for the purpose of changing lives and not just for the sense of power.

I do hope to serve as symbol of strength, power and ferocity like the lion. I hope to stand tall and be someone who will fulfill their life long career choice. My dream of closing the gap of mistrust between police officers and minorities is a long shot, because as one person, I know I couldn’t do it all by myself. Yet I do hope that one day I can inspire my fellow officers, and that I will touch the lives of many, as they will touch mines as well. I have grown up around drugs. I lived in shelters, experienced and lived through domestic violence, and have constantly fought for respect all in which definitely has allowed me to understand all walks of life. I know what it’s like to have to get money in different ways. I know what it’s like to struggle, and mistrust those who have hurt you. I know what it’s like to feel pain, anger or disappointment because these are all too familiar things. Some hardships are all too familiar but trust me; I promise you there is always room for second chances in life.

As humans, we can’t live to be stubborn, to judge others off their mistakes, to be so blatantly racist or sexist. It is about inner peace, and understanding that no matter what, this world will never be perfect. It will never meet our expectations because we as humans tend to not be realistic most of the time. Some people dream about fancy cars, big houses, the perfect American Dream. While others simply are content with the simple things in life, such a roof over their heads, food on the table, clothes on their backs, and just LOVE. Materialistic things consume our world. The greed and want for power also consume this world. Money and fame can be the root of all evil. Yet it is truly up to us as individuals to determine the path that we take in life. It is very important to be someone who always considers things from every angle, I will always try my best to remain true, humble, and loyal to my identity and to whom I dream of becoming because that is the most challenging part in life. As I once said, patience is the key to life.