Look me in the eyes......

Wow y’all, I have been on such a roller coaster since my last time writing for you all. I hope that everyone who is reading this post finds themselves well, emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically. I want to start out by thanking you all like always. Blogging I have learned is not something that should feel forced to me, and so when I don’t write for a while it’s because I am feeling forced. Again, so I want to thank all of you who are kind, and who are patient. Y’all support means the world to me. So, to kick things off for the new reconstruction I want y’all to note some specific things about the imagery and representation of the blog, but also about the content that will be posted for the next few months...

We’ll start with the theme for the new look: PINK. Yes it could be purple because that’s my favorite color but I chose to go with PINK. For decades America has capitalized on making things gender color coordinated, Google it if y’all think I’m playing. Each and every one of you who directly purchases pink clothes, celebrates gender reveals with pink and blue etc. are all victims of America’s ways lol. Anyways, this culture has made it where PINK is the standard color for anything that has to do with girls/women hence the color of the blog. I decided to go for my “women empowerment” all year around.

I have my opening photo of women in all skin tones, and sizes for a reason. There is too much hatred going around nowadays amongst us all. We all constantly compare ourselves to each other, whether it be by measuring success, education, money, family, kids, etc. There is a constant need for competition amongst us women and to be honest I am not with the shits. Pardon my French. But seriously, we have to be better, as women it is crucial for us to come together and stand together. To support each other’s small businesses, YouTube accounts, hobbies and talents like hair coloring, hair installing, lashes, makeup etc. All of these “little” hidden talents that we have are constantly being suppressed because of how the women surrounding you are constantly making you seem like you’re not worthy enough. It’s time that we each take a stand and start supporting each other more and constantly motivating each other because we never know how we can inspire, uplift, and help other women in a time of need.

So find y’all bestie and let her know you support her and her talent, business, and everything else she has going for herself!

To all my fellas, again I can never exclude y’all but bear with me! The purpose again is to remind women that we are whole. At a time like this, this country deserves to have women leading and empowering the pathways for not only the future generations but for the current generations. I always found myself wanting to lead and make a difference and although I haven’t quite figured it out yet, I am here to continue to tell my story and at least start through this platform. So let’s dive into the purpose of this post!

I am always here to share with you all my story; that is the sole purpose for this blog and this platform. In regards to that statement, I will be taking you all on a FOUR PHASE JOURNEY. Please refer to my Zen Space:

To begin with this post, Phase I is my hardest post.

This is why:

As most of ya’ll know I moved to NYC about 2 years ago not only to branch away and become independent but also to pursue my dream career in Law Enforcement. So to update y’all on that, 2019 has become one of the hardest kick off years for me yet. I ended up moving in with a friend when I first got there and thought it was the best move, yeah no. I am not here to bash anyone, but I am here to speak the honest truth. In the long run me and her are still cordial, I have no issues with her, but I did learn that everything had to happen for a reason.

My living situation became a mess, I moved twice within two years due to her familial circumstances, and ended up having to pack all my bags last minute because a relative of hers who allowed me to sublease ended up keeping more than 4k of rent and then handed the apartment back to the landlord which gave us less than a 30 day notice. Talk about cramming stress. I was at a loss of 4k, in an expensive ass city, with no deposit and 2x month in advance like a lot of people required, and I had a baby American Pitbull that nobody wanted to take in. All of this in the midst of also cutting my hair (which was very symbolic to me) and going through a mini crisis all as I am searching for who I truly am inspiring to be. It was one of the hardest things I had to do, leaving my friends, my great paying job that I worked so hard for to climb the ladder was all being stripped away in a matter of about 7-10 days! I do have to say that I never felt the amount of stress and fear that I felt at that moment. Having to tell my mother everything that is happening, on top of telling my job last minute and dealing with transferring and finding something new back in Rochester, NY alongside again just simply having to deal with the stresses of any sudden move.

So, overall, I have to say that this transition has been tough. It reminded me briefly on who I can count on and who I can’t. The strings that come attached when living with “friends”. Yet most importantly it taught me how quickly someone’s life can change and how everything else around them can just in a matter of seconds, hours, and days. Hence why I have never taken anything for granted and have always thanked the higher ups for everything that I am and have, yet I have to tell y’all I was so stressed that it led me into darkness! I legit felt like I had a cloud just walking round with me over my head as I kept trying to get away from it. I now had to deal with so much at once that I immediately shut everyone and everything out to focus, and try to compose and keep myself together. I kept questioning why this was happening to me just as everything was looking up for me. I legit think I cried every single day until I reached Rochester, and then some. People saw me at my downfall, some helped, some didn’t know what to do or how to help me, but I want to extend a thank you to all of you who contributed without even knowing how too (family, my partner, my coworkers, friends and strangers even).

Those of you who helped me financially, mentally, emotionally. Damn. Y’all are forever in my hearts for this one. Interestingly enough I managed. Every day I miss my coworkers and just feeling that sense of comfortability. Not saying I am not comfortable here, but I am still re-adjusting so I am still in a frenzy to be honest with you all and I think it will take time, but I know I can eventually manage and make it work. I always believe that “Everything happens for a reason”. I just have to have faith and believe in it a little more these days. But here I am, after a five hour dinner date that I had about a week ago with an old friend. An incredible woman who has been through so much in life yet finds the power vested within herself to make every day her best day: you know who you are. Thank you. For re-inspiring me. For allowing me to be myself, and most importantly for always, no matter the distance or time apart; for having my back and holding me down.

So here it is, to all the women out there; I am telling y’all learn how to cherish one another, and embrace one another with love, positivity, and support. It’s crucial.

This is me. Waking up in the morning, finding myself. Looking in the mirror, and trying to remember that there are always better days out there in front of me. That I am loved, I am human, and most importantly I am a woman.

(A huge shout out to my photographer for these photos. I decided to include women photographers only to captivate the true feelings and emotions that I am bringing to the table with each phase.

Phase I Keywords: Women, Sense of loss, Hurt, Turmoil, Lack of Motivation, Change, Stress, Vulnerability, Crisis, Seeking Help, Learning to Channel Energies, Picking Up The Pieces, Starting a New Journey.

To you all, I know my story might sound crazy, to some I’ve even heard the term “unbelievable”. I am here to tell you all I am ok, and you are too. I have been gone for a bit, but I am back. I am stronger in all aspects of my being, and I am still healing, learning and processing. Getting back on my feet again, finding myself and telling you all about this crazy journey that I call life. I want to tell you all that I have found ways to stay in tuned with myself, my energies, and my vibrations. I began collecting stones, and crystals, guiding myself towards meditation practices, and becoming truly ZEN with myself in every aspect. I am reading books on healing, chakras, and energies (more to tell, stay tuned). Most importantly though, I am reminding myself again, that if I am not in the right space, I can’t come onto my platform to tell my story. I want you all to remember that my platform is for you all; not just for me. This platform is for me to share with you all a piece of me and a piece of you. The feedback, comments, love etc. all comes from you, my readers. My inspirations, you all are my shinning lights. Thank u. So again, bear with me, because I am taking you all on a journey of four phases.

P.S: Welcome, to my platform; where you will receive waves of stories from heartbreak and sadness, to motivation and success. Most importantly, I promise to you that you will always find LOVE, POSITIVITY, GREAT VIBES AND ENERGY.