Be humble, sit down. Pt. 3

Three: learning to be humble at an early age is essential

"We are judged by what we cannot change, what can’t be changed must be endured, we are who we are, and we must live with it". (Neji)

Throughout the years I have learned that everyone around me has always considered themselves to be someone who is humble. Yet how can we truly determine that we are humble? What experiences have we been through that have humbled us into who we are today? Do you truly exhibit the characteristics of someone humbled?

I am using this platform to be my raw self, to set my truths free, to show you that I am not perfect, that I don't think that I am better than everyone. I am here to take you on a journey and make you think about the same things that I think about. It's easy for us to think but not speak.

As a Cancerian, I have found myself to be very emotional and always in touch with my feelings. I tend to care so deeply about others who enter my life without even realizing it. I have the tendency to take friendships very serious, relationships and commitments as well. I am very loyal to family, especially my close relatives who are with me on a day to day basis. At a very young age, my mother would always tell me to remain humble. At first I always questioned what she meant by "humble" and now that is a very familiar trait to me.

Yes, I am someone who is very ambitious and determined, nobody can take that away from me. I am like this though because I always want to be the best role model for those surrounding me. I want to be able to reach out to others and simply share my story, to help those who are or have been in the same predicaments as me. I am not going to rant on this post on many of the experiences that have humbled me down, because then the rest of my blog will become redundant. What I will do in this post though is explain why humbleness is an exemplary trait to have.

I have been told by many that I am a very humble individual, yet I tend to look at myself and analyze myself to see whether I am truly fitting of that trait. I have been through a lot of hardships throughout life, which I will eventually get too within time. I have learned that these hardships and tribulations have humbled me instead of making me become someone who is arrogant or egoistic. It is not easy for me to be someone who doesn’t care about everyone before myself. There are times where my family members and friends have to tell me to take a break, and enjoy life because I am always so involved in helping others that I don’t focus on myself. It’s also not easy to not be able to acknowledge your own successes before others, yet that is who I have always been. I would rather help everyone else before I help myself. I can be doing a million things at once, but once you need me: I got you. I have always been someone to try and remain true to who I am. I don't like to change, or switch up who I am or who I have become because of my successes.

Aside from all the troubles I was always involved in, I always remained afloat with my academics. I received many awards etc. for being someone who always strived for the best academically. I worked very hard towards everything I did academically because I was well aware that education is my key to a successful future. Now here I am, 22 years old going into my Graduates program in the Fall. It has not been an easy journey. Granted for me to be a Latina, who grew up in the inner city of Rochester, NY, success was nothing handed to me. I cannot stress how hard it has been for me to stay on track and set the best example I can for my siblings, friends and others around me. Yet, regardless of my academic achievements, I still have my High school friends, friends from the inner city, etc.

I don't act different because I am more educated or striving for more. Instead I seek to inspire those around me and show them that anything is possible if you really want it. I haven't changed because I'm more educated. I don't ignore those who are not at the same level of education as me. I love everyone and what everyone is doing. I can't judge, because everyone is different in so many ways. What I can do, is remain true to myself through it all and not let the achievements and successes get to my head.

I truly learned the definition of humbleness after my past relationship in comparison with the young man that I am currently talking too.

Define humble:

not proud or haughty : not arrogant or assertivereflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission a humble apologyranking low in a hierarchy or scale : insignificant, unpretentious , not costly or luxurious a humble contraption

(dictionary.com)

On the other hand:

I recently met someone: who not only has become a very big part of my life, but he has shown me the true definition of humbleness through another lens. This young man has become nothing but a blessing in disguise to me. Regardless of any feelings, he is truly an awe inspiring man. From the very beginning, I would observe him throughout my college campus because I always got the best of vibes from him. Sometimes he would have a serious demeanor to him, but he was very well loved by many on campus and that alone spoke to me. I contemplated for a long time on whether I wanted to figure out who and what he was about until I was able to build the courage to do so. From the very beginning, I complimented his lyrics and music after discovering that he is a local rapper from the Bronx, NY. The first thing he said to me was not just a thank you, but the reason as to why he was a rapper, and into his music.

"The culture of hip hop is just so beautiful that I feel like just talking about it wouldn't do it justice. It's given me a voice and a way to express myself".

He explained how he hopes to be able to make a change through his lyricism: how his goal is for his music to reach large amounts of crowds so that he can tell his story:

"I write with the intention that someone can relate and feel like whatever they are going through, they’re not alone".

Examining his lyrics gave me the opportunity to see and feel his humbleness as he told his story. He has been someone who has been through far many trials and tribulations. Someone who has confronted many issues: family, personal, racial, etc. and yet he has found a way to remain humble through it all, and most importantly to use music as his platform to want to make a difference.

When I asked him:

What does being humble mean to you?

“Being humble is genuinely meeting someone who is able to be modest. It’s the ability to allow yourself to be broken down to your lowest, and becoming raw. Being humble is to be raw. To not allow anything to form or mold one’s perceptions about others, being able to see others above yourself, to have the willingness to sacrifice for others without being selfish and thinking about oneself in the process. Drop your pride, embrace others in time of need, reach out to people, lend a hand to others”.

How do you perceive someone to be if they are not humble?

“Someone who can’t connect with others because they are too individualistic. They can’t see themselves within others. They are constantly isolating others, flaunting experiences that were tough, and upholding materialistic things with a great sense of value. Focused on the intangibles: successes in life”.

Define egoistic:

pertaining to or of the nature of egoism.being centered in or preoccupied with oneself and the gratification of one's own desires; self-centered (opposed to altruistic).

(dictionary.com)

So, I just got out of a four-year relationship, with a female. Don't try to label me, the way I see things in life, we make mistakes to learn from them: granted I don't regret my relationship, I just regret the person I became during the time being and how long it took me to break-through. The thing about this relationship that I want to pinpoint specifically is regarding the level of ‘humbleness’ that she thought she portrayed. Now forgive me ahead of time (to my ex) if you read this and take anything I am about to say to offense. That’s not what I am trying to accomplish, I am only trying to make my fellow readers understand my thought process.

Anyways, when I first met her, in high school, I wasn't too fond of her. I always thought of her to be someone who was egoistic. She always came off as someone who thought she was better than everyone, and me being the Daliana that I am, I wanted to know why she felt so entitled all the time. So I got to know her more and she showed me a different side.

Life is mysterious, I've always said that, but I am definitely not someone who likes to question things that come to me. We ended up dating, short story we lasted until this year, so it's a recent break up for me. Throughout those 4 1/2 years, I learned a lot. We moved into college together, and let me tell you: when someone says you truly don't know someone until you live with them? That's a straight fact, something I can definitely attest too.

It took me time, but I always saw how egoistic she was, which clashed with my personality all the time. I am way more relaxed, loud, always trying to be the life of the party, trying to enjoy life type of person. She was more laid back, controlling, and assertive all the time.

One day I asked her, "why the hell do you have the word 'humble' under your bio for your Instagram account”? When I tell you, I was seriously confused; I really was. Yes, she took my question personal and we ended up arguing about it but I explained myself simply.

You cannot say that you are humble as someone who cares more about yourself than others. You cannot be humble when you are so quick to judge others. You cannot be humble when nobody else matters to you but your family. You cannot be humble when you care about money over most things.

You cannot be humble when you care about your shoes and clothes more than how you treat others or think about how others will perceive you. You cannot be humble, by thinking you run the world, and will accomplish everything you set your mind too because you simply said so. The universe doesn't work like that, you can't claim to be humble and have such a negative outlook on everything that doesn't pertain or relate to you and your "success". You cannot be humble by cutting everyone off and pushing them away because they are not on "your level" and not "worthy of your time". You cannot be humble and be someone who doesn't accept people for who they are, and what they are about. You cannot be humble when you believe Black men shouldn't date, or marry a white Woman because past racial issues. You cannot be someone who thinks someone is too "gay" for you, and that you would not associate or categorize yourself with someone like that.

That's not how it should be. It shouldn't be like that for nobody. If you honestly find yourself fitting into some of my points above, please re-evaluate yourself and ask yourself are you really humble. My goal is NOT to put her on the spot for those of you who truly know me, my goal is to make you feel and make these connections with me.

To her:

I apologize, for everything that I have done, because I know I am not the easiest person to deal with on many levels. I know that I can be complex and complicated. I know that I can easily question everything and stress about little things. I know that many times I failed at giving you what you wanted: for not being submissive, for not being the person you wanted me to be. For not being the one to be your last. For not being the one to set you free sooner. I am sorry, most importantly for making you think that I didn't love you, that I cheated on you, or that I was changing. I fell out of love with you, and that happens. Someone else had my attention because we we're no longer a "we". You were a "you" and I was a "me", there was no "us" for way too long and it took me long enough to accept that. I didn't want to hurt you, yet I still did and for that I am sorry. But I just want you to know that my attitude is my attitude, and that is what makes me Daliana. I couldn't mold or compromise to changing something that I hold so dear to me. That was like asking me to change my whole personality and that I couldn't do. Through all the fights, arguments, tears, stress, etc. I always remained true to myself. You failed to accept that because I wouldn't mold to the person you wanted me to become. I was never "changing" I was never "cheating”, I was growing, I was realizing that I wanted more and that I deserved better and I was never going to get that from you because of how we we're. So for that again, I am sorry. Especially for how things ended between us after such a long time.

I am NO ONE to judge others, but what I am is someone who likes to speak the truth when it comes to things like this. Don't get me wrong, I am pretty sure people think I am self-entitled, an over achiever, shoot: many have told me that I think I am better than everyone because of my degrees and career choice. Yet deep inside of me, that will never be the case, and for me that's what matters the most. If deep inside I can constantly tell myself to remain humble even through the best and worst of times, then that is what I will do. I am learning that I am the one who is in control of my past, present and future actions and choices. I am the one who can decide how my life will take its course within time. I am realizing that I do have the right to have an opinion without being someone who is "egoistic or arrogant". I am accepting that my life is my life and it's time for me to own it and step out from behind my own shadows. I am learning that being happy is no longer temporary, but it is something that can be chased, achieved, and well kept.

It is important that as young adults, and to my readers who are full adults, that we teach others around us, the definition of humbleness. It is important for our next and upcoming generation to be well aware of the challenges that life brings, and how they can learn and help others, instead of thinking that they are better than everyone because they might have had it ‘tougher’ or ‘easier’. Together we should be educating and making a difference, instead of ignoring the fact that ignorance has become something common for today’s generation.

Ps: I support every artist out there, whether it be a poet, a blogger, a musician, a lyricist, a spoken word artist, a painter, a singer: I support you all. You're using and creating multiple gateways and platforms for others to see you for who you are, and to use these platforms for multiple reasons. So a big shout out to all of you, keep making a difference in the world and keep being you most importantly. That always counts for something, so keep on shinning!